I (38F) bled during sex and he (44M) freaked out

I'll apologize in advance for the novel.

I recently met a new man. He's only the second person I've ever been with after a long-term (15+ year relationship). Things were going well - great chemistry, he's a dream... The kissing was off-the-charts good. Things progressed - as they do - and we started to get physical.

I was BEYOND nervous because I'm not sure he's as attracted to me as I am to him. He's also far more experienced than me. I was worrying constantly that I wasn't pleasuring him enough, and when he touched me, it was a little rougher than I was used to. So, all-in-all, I was kind of silently freaking out by the time we had sex.

Not going to lie - he was bigger than I've ever had. It hurt. He kept hitting my cervix, and when he was changing position - again, covering my tummy and making me super self-conscious - he noticed a bit of blood on the sheets and on the condom. He had a minor freakout, said he was grossed out and went into the bathroom, cleaned up, and changed the condom. He was asking me a hundred questions about whether I had just finished my period. I hadn't. It was two weeks ago. I WAS ovulating, and I explained I'd had a bit of spotting the day before. He seemed okay and I was already feeling pretty humiliated but I wanted to finish, so we tried again.

Again. It HURT. He hit my cervix a LOT. He checked in and asked me if I was okay a couple of times and I explained he's bigger than I'm used to. Whatever. It all goes OK, and he finished, so... that's it.

When he looked down, he started FLIPPING OUT. There's even more blood. It's on him, on the sheets and on my thighs. He started freaking out about how bad it was, his trust was broken, the risks of DISEASE and I was standing there beyond humiliated because seriously, this had never happened to me before. I must have apologized a hundred times.

Anyway, he cleaned up and said, "I'm going to head off." No more touching for me. He's gone! He did text me later to ask if I was okay, and after I apologized again, he said maybe we should give it a few weeks and see where we land. So. He's gone for good. Surely?

Meanwhile, I'm still bleeding three days later!

I have so little experience with men, but it felt like the worst sexual experience of my entire life. I'm getting tested for everything after he put in my brain that I have some kind of disease, but worse, is that all my confidence is destroyed. I had to overcome so many insecurities to get naked with him, and I'm terrified to have sex again in case the same thing happens.

I just don't know what to do. And if he does contact me again, I don't even know what to say. Yes, no, can't promise I won't bleed all over you?!!!

I need help, thoughts, views, ways to move past what happened.

Submitted September 08, 2023 at 11:32PM by Its-Too-Embarassing https://ift.tt/H04yaPs